cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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