I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
