And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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