Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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