I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
