don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
