Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
