Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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