writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
