I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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