why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
