your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
