the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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