omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
