you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
