I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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