Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
