i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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