I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
