Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
