Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
