So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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