We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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