if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
