idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
