the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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