If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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