I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
