We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
