Duck Duck Cougar?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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