Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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