I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
