I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
