I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize