I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
