Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
