Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
