You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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