i can't believe i had my finger in that
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
