normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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