so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
