Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
