i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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