if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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