It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I need moral support for this bender
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
