Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
