I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
