so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
