if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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