I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
