I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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