I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
