wrigley field is MILF paradise
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
