so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
