I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
