i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
