I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
