Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
