I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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