so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
