bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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