remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
