I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
