I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
